


Grow Back Again

by sweetsuesparrow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, bur a lot of really shameless fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:55:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25208077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetsuesparrow/pseuds/sweetsuesparrow
Summary: Months after the former General Hux defected to the Resistance, helping to bring an end to the war, he and Poe Dameron embark on a journey that frightens Armitage more than anything he did during the war.  They return to his homeworld of Arkanis, in hopes of connecting with his long lost mother.  Poe wishes there was more he could do to ease Armitage's nerves, but in the end the best thing he can do is be there for him, now and for whatever happens next.Written for day 1 of Gingerpilot Week 2020: Homeworld
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Armitage Hux, Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Comments: 6
Kudos: 78
Collections: Gingerpilot Week 2020





	Grow Back Again

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for any spelling or formatting issues, I wrote most of this chapter on my phone on a roadtrip.

Arkanis was beautiful this time of year. It never truly got warm - but for a few short months in the early summer, the near constant rain slowed to a drizzle, and there were intervals where it stopped altogether and the clouds pulled back to bare the blue sky. The two suns reached the ground unfiltered, and the planet came alive. Sea birds hatched in their nests on the cliff sides, and freshly born nerf cafs tottered over the grassy pastures, testing their new legs.

As Poe brought the ship lower, the engines sent waves through the leggy grasses and tangled, shrubby wildflowers of the heath. The village they were travelling to had no spaceport, nowhere large enough to dock even their small freighter. They would have to land out here, and make the rest of the journey on foot.

“It’s beautiful,” Poe said, looking over at the man in the copilot’s seat with what he hoped was an encouraging smile. 

Armitage had not said anything since they had dropped out of hyperspace. His mouth was a tight, tense line, and his back was straight as a durasteel girder. The months since he had defected from the First Order had slowly loosened the tension in his posture, and softened the sharp angles of his face. Now though, the old stiffness was back in full force. For the first time in a long time, Poe thought, he was not seeing Armitage, but the ghost of General Hux. 

“You okay?” He asked, trying to keep his attention on the other man while still watching the viewport as he brought the ship down for a landing.

“I’m fine.” A terse reply, spoken in the clipped tone Armitage used when he was upset but trying to play it off.

“It’s okay to be nervous, you know,” Poe reached over to give the other man a reassuring squeeze on his arm, but he pulled back, glaring. 

“I’m not nervous.” He snapped.

The ship had touched down near the edge of a cliff overlooking the sea. Armitage told him monsters lurked in the depths of Arkanis’s oceans, that he had grown up on stories of horrors from the deep, ripping fishing vessels apart with tentacles as thick as a starfighter’s wingspan. From up here though, the grey-blue waves were almost soothing. 

“We can wait here for a while if you want,” Poe offered, “until you feel like you’re ready.”

“I am ready.” Armitage insisted, standing up stiffly and pulling on a coarse brown jacket.

He had a way of making everything he wore look like a uniform. Even in the weeks after he first defected, when he had been dressed in filthy prison clothes and denied the right to shave or cut his hair, he had looked official, composed. It was a good thing he had been granted a pardon - he could never have gone into hiding - no disguise would be enough to hide his nature.

Armitage paused the moment his feet touched the ground. His pale eyelashes fluttered closed as he turned his head up towards the sky and breathed a slow, faltering breath of the fresh air. He always seemed a little unsteady when he went planetside - out of place. It was hard to believe he had a homeworld at all - that he had ever existed off the bridge of a star destroyer. But there was something deeper to his unsteadiness now. It was not just being on the surface of a planet - it was this planet - the closest thing to a homeworld the man had ever known. Poe wondered if he should do something - reach out and ground him with a touch, but thought better of it. Armitage needed him here, but he also needed to face this himself. 

At last his eyes opened again and some of the tension had gone out of them, letting through a glimpse of the turmoil underneath. 

“Thirty years,” he said. “It’s been thirty years since the last time I was here. But it… smells the same. I shouldn’t be surprised - nothing ever changes on Arkanis - or almost nothing.”

He cast a glance back, past the ship and towards the pastures to the south and the unassuming silhouette of Scaparus Port. 

“Do you see that?” He pointed to a structure on a cliff above the town. 

“Yeah.” It was the burnt out skeleton of what had clearly once been a grand and austere building.

“That’s Arkanis Academy. Or it was.”

There was sadness in his voice. Given the few stories Armitage had let slip about his past, Poe was surprised he wasn’t jumping for joy at the sight of his old home destroyed. But then Armitage was complicated about the past - nostalgia and trauma had grown like bramble bushes, tangled together in his mind- impossible to separate, painful even to try.

“Before the academy, it was an ancient fortress. It had fallen into ruin centuries ago, but they built the academy out of what was left. Someday they’ll do the same again - build something new out of the bones. Everything on Arkanis stays the same - and the things that change change in cycles. The seasons, the buildings. Things die off and go back to the soil, then they grow back - the same, or close enough to the same.”

“It’s going to be okay,” Poe spoke up, clapping the other man on the shoulder and starting to walk in the other direction. “But we should get going if we want to get to the village before the suns set.”

Armitage always spun metaphors when he was trying to avoid talking about an uncomfortable subject. He’d go on forever, getting more and more abstract until Poe had no idea what he was saying unless someone stopped him.

The other man nodded, and started walking after Poe, away from the ruins of the academy, away from the parked ship. Poe slowed his pace until Armitage caught up, and they continued side by side. The path they were following was little more than a deerpath - a subtle, winding interruption in the grass.

“Look at it this way,” Poe spoke up again, “it can’t be more awkward than when you met my dad.”

That got a slight chuckle out of Armitage - or maybe it was a mortified gasp. 

Perhaps it was something about the climate on Yavin 4, or perhaps it was nerves, but Armitage had spent most of the week they’d spent with Kes at the old Dameron place vomiting, or stumbling around, white as a sheet, trying not to vomit. 

_ You sure know how to pick ‘em _ . The old man had said with a chuckle as the two Dameron men sat at the kitchen table, trying to ignore the sounds of retching from down the hall. 

_ He’s not usually like this.  _ Poe insisted.

_ Oh right, usually he’s a war criminal, isn’t he? _ His smile had remained but there was a darker note to his voice now.

_ It’s not like that, Dad. He did the right thing - he defected, helped us turn the tide of the whole war. He stood trial - the New Republic granted him a pardon. _ The younger man’s fists were clenched on the table, his brows knit defensively.  _ He’s a good man. Really good - when he’s not puking his brains out.  _

_ But don’t you ever look at him and see the Hosnian System - doesn’t that bother you? I remember seeing the blast from here. It was the most horrifying thing I’d ever seen.  _ There was not even the shadow of mirth in Kes’s face now.  _ Don’t you think of all the friends you lost in this - that you wouldn’t have had to lose if it wasn’t for him? _

Poe had to try hard not to raise his voice as emotion swelled up hot inside him. Since this whole messy, unexpected thing had started with Armitage, he had had to endure these questions - from his comrades, his friends, himself, and now his father too.  _ I know who he is, dad. And so does he. We both know there’s no excusing what he- what the First Order did, no fixing it. He’ll have to live with that for the rest of his life. So will I. You can’t bring back the dead, but the living can change - they can do right. And that’s what he’s done - dad - the best any of us can do - better than we were. _

His father had sighed and closed his eyes. When he opened them again they were softer - far away.  _ Your mother always said the galaxy was fundamentally good - that people were good if they were allowed. She was the smartest person I ever met. We fought our war so our children could be free and happy. If you say he’s good, and he makes you happy - I trust you. _ A smile creased the old man’s face. 

_ Thanks dad _ , Poe had returned the smile, un-balling his fists to lightly squeeze his father’s hand.  _ I think he might ...I think he might be the one. _

Kes’s eyebrows shot up almost into his grey hair.  _ The one? _

Poe had had plenty of flings in his life, but there were only a few he had brought home to his father, and he had never said this about any of them. He had been almost as surprised as his father to hear himself say it, but it was true. Somehow, that truth had crept up on him without him noticing.

_ Yeah,  _ he said.  _ Yeah I really think he is. But don’t - you know - say anything to him about it. I need to figure out how to say it. This conversation never happened, okay? _

_ Sure,  _ Kes smiled and moved his other hand to hold his son’s.  _ Just make sure ‘the one’ cleans up after himself when he’s done in there. If he ruins my ‘fresher I might change my mind about him being alright. _

“Stars, your father must hate me now.” Armitage grimaced in embarrassment. 

“Nah, he came around. Pretty sure you actually left his ‘fresher cleaner than you found it, I think that won him over.”

Armitage huffed a half-laugh, but his eyes were focused somewhere in the distance. 

“Don’t worry,” Poe said, his breathing heavier as they started ascending a steep incline, “parents love me.”

“It isn’t you I’m worried about her loving.” The other man’s voice was soft - even after months as a civilian with no one to bark orders to, the former general rarely let his tone grow gentle like this. When he did, he seemed to compensate by hardening the rest of himself - holding his spine straight and his hands behind his back. 

It was times like these Poe wished he could hold Armitage until his icy walls melted - kiss away the shame and the fear that was eating him from the inside out. If only it were so easy, if only caring for someone was enough to heal them. But healing was work, and they were doing it together.

“She’s your mother,” he said at last, “of course she’ll love you.”

“She doesn’t know me,” Armitage countered. They were nearly at the top of the hill now. “Or worse, she does know me - she knows what I’ve done and she hates me for it. Who could blame her? Half the galaxy wishes I was dead - she might -” his voice faltered and with it his pace. “Maybe this was a mistake,” he said coming to a full stop, “maybe we ought to go. Just being back here - on Arkanis - that was more than enough. I’m ready to go.”

“Hey, no.” Poe stopped walking and turned to face Armitage. 

The other man pursed his lips, his hair stirring in the wind with its own kind of nervous energy. Poe might not be able to peel back all of Armitage’s emotional walls, but at least he had convinced him to give up the hair gel.

“It’s going to be fine. And even if it’s not, do you have any idea how much fuel it takes to get all the way out here? I did not blow all those credits, and spend the last day and a half in hyperspace just for you to turn back at the last minute.”

Armitage chuckled at that, but he still didn’t budge. “When I was small, all I wanted was my mother. I thought - if I knew her - if I even met her, just once, things would get better. At least I would know that there was someone who loved me, or at least didn’t hate me - that I came from something other than my father. That would be enough to get me through everything. But even when we still lived on Arkanis, I never met her - or if I did, I never knew it. After we left, I used to lie awake and wonder where she was, if she was alright, if she was thinking of me too, if she missed me,” his voice was unsteady and soft, but there was an undercurrent of anger too - bitterness - seething beneath the rest. “But then I realized - she couldn’t possibly miss me. If she loved me - if she ever wanted me - she wouldn’t have given me up. But she did give me up - willingly. My father told me.”

“And you believed him?” After everything Poe had heard about the late Brendol Hux, he was surprised Armitage would believe anything he said.

“It makes sense,” the other man said bitterly, “I’m sure I was the worst thing that ever happened to her. How could she possibly want me, given where I came from?”

His hands were at his sides now, paper white and shaking. Poe took them and cupped them in his own hands. They were so cold.

“Remember when we visited my mom’s grave back on Yavin 4?”

Armitage nodded, his eyes still focused on some point in the distance. “She sounded like a great woman,” he said. 

“She was. A great woman, and a good one too. When she died - it was like the sun went out. Everything got cold - it broke my dad.” He felt his own voice growing heavy with emotion. “But I got to know her. I got to have time with her, and it made me who I am now. You deserve the chance to know your mom, Armitage, and she deserves the chance to know you.”

“But what if she doesn’t  _ want _ to know me?”

“What if she does? Why not give her the chance to decide that?”

Armitage’s mouth twisted and pressed tight.

“For what it's worth,” Poe let go of the other man’s hands and reached up to touch his face, brushing back a stray lock of red hair, “I think she’ll love you. I know I do.”

That brought a smile to Armitage’s face, one of those rare genuine smiles, breaking through the grimace. He leaned down and kissed Poe. It was quick and chaste, but he could feel Armitage still smiling into it.

“Thank you.” He said, pulling away, and finally taking a step forward. “I love you too. And you were right, we should keep going if we want to make it to the village by sundown.”

This time, as they set off, Poe took Armitage’s hand in his, and they walked like that, fingers intertwined as they crested the hill. The path sloped steeply down again, into a valley stained purple and yellow with clusters of flowers, eventually broken up into tamer pastures and farms. Beyond that was a small cove, and clustered around it a few small, thatched houses, more of a scattered handful of dwellings than a village. 

It still boggled Poe’s mind that someone like Armitage could come from a world that also had places like this. Even in peacetime the former general was hard and cold. If Arkanis was inside him, it was Arkanis in the winter - brutal storms and waves as tall as coruscant skyscrapers. But then, if Arkanis could be both - brutal and beautiful - if these flowers and pastures could survive the winter to grow back in the spring, perhaps there was something like this in Armitage too - waiting to warm up enough to bloom.

“So what do you know about her?” 

It had taken Armitage weeks to dig through all the information that was declassified when the First Order surrendered. Some of it, Poe was shocked to learn, had been kept even from General Hux. Apparently Brendol Hux had kept a file on Armitage’s mother, but had it hidden under so many layers of secrecy and encryption that it was only recently, months after the end of the war, that the younger Hux had found it.

“Her name is Bree. Bree Arden. Fifty-four years old-”

“Wow, so she was young when she had you.”

“She was.” Armitage nodded tightly. “She stayed at the academy until the bitter end, then came here - to the place she was born. She’s lived here the last thirty years, working at the one cantina in town. She married - some fisherman I think, but he died. Fishing is a dangerous profession on Arkanis. She never had any other children, at least, not according to my father’s file.”

As he spoke, his eyes roved the valley ahead of them, feeling stirring in their green depths. 

Poe squeezed his hand reassuringly. “She sounds great,” he said.

“I just can’t help but think - that file - she’s had a whole life here. I’m sure everything is better for her now since the Empire - since my father left Arkanis - I doubt she wants a reminder of those days.”

“You weren’t the one who made her life miserable,” Poe insisted, “you were a little kid. She’ll know that. You aren’t your father.”

“I’m more like him than I’d like,” Armitage spat. “The things I’ve done - my father could only dream of causing such destruction.”

They had to separate to climb over a style, leaving the moors behind for the tamer pastures. Armitage went first, swinging his long legs over the top of the fence with surprising ease. Poe followed, a little less graceful. He was at his best in a starfighter. His own limbs were not nearly so easy to maneuver. In the distance, a small cluster of nerfs eyed them suspiciously.

“You’ve done what your father could never do,” he said, catching up with the taller man again. “You changed. You grew.”

“Does it matter?” There was bitterness back in Armitage’s voice, the confidence Poe had managed to instill in him starting to run out. 

“It’s the only thing that matters. It doesn’t do any good to tear yourself up over the past. All you can do is accept it, live with it, and do right going forward. And you’ve done that. You’re still doing that. Look, you’ve done all you can. In the end it’s up to her what she feels - what she wants to do - but you’ve got to know, whatever happens, you’re a good man. I think she’ll see that.”

The path through the pasture gave way to a cobbled street as they entered the village proper. The suns were beginning to sit low in the sky, and one or two of the houses had their windows lit already. 

Poe tried to imagine what Armitage might have been like if he had grown up here. The salt air would have weathered his smooth, pale skin, and the suns, rare as their appearance was from behind the clouds, would have brought some color to his cheeks. He might have been more whole, more healthy, he might have learned to laugh sooner, and to let his guard down easier. But if he had grown up here, he would likely still be here, and they never would have met.

“It still isn’t too late to go back,” Armitage eyed the road behind them. “We could make it back to the ship before night if-”

“Armitage, I swear to the void,” Poe exclaimed, “we aren’t going back! You were brave enough to risk your life spying for the Resistance, brave enough to accept that your whole way of life was wrong, and help us end this war, to face the New Republic courts, and my dad, don’t start being a coward now!”

The other man looked at him, almost taken aback. He stopped in his tracks, feet planted firmly on the cobblestones. 

“I know this is hard for you,” Poe added, his tone softer now as he stopped and faced Armitage again. “I know this is all new - and old - and tied up in a lot of stuff. I get that it’s a lot to work through, I wish this was something I could do for you - but I know I can’t. All I can do is go through it with you. So let me do that. Let me be there for you. For this, and after this.”

“What are you saying?” Armitage’s voice was almost breathless.

“I’m saying I love you. I love everything you are, and everything you’re trying to be. I’m saying whatever happens in this cantina, I want to face it with you, and everything that comes next. If you’ll let me.”

“Are you ...proposing to me?” Armitage’s cold, conflicted face split into an incredulous smile as he snorted with laughter.

Poe flushed. “I’m just floating the idea,” he said, scratching the stubble of his chin anxiously, as he wondered if he had just made a horrible mistake. The words had just sort of slipped out, before he even knew what he was saying. “Do you ...want me to be proposing to you? Kriff, I didn’t really plan this out, to be honest. I don’t have a ring or anything, but I can get down on one knee if you-” he started to lower himself awkwardly to the ground.

“Stop!” Armitage’s arm shot out to still him.

Oh kriff he’d definitely made a mistake.

“Sorry I-”

But before he could finish his sentence, the other man pulled him into an embrace, kissing him fiercely, his mouth warm despite the coldness of his skin. His hands found Poe’s cheeks and cupped them gently as he finally pulled away.

“Yes.” He said simply. “My answer is yes.”

All Poe could do was laugh, and then Armitage laughed, a real laugh, straight from the stomach. Soon they were both doubled over, practically in tears.

“You’re ridiculous,” Armitage managed at last, still laughing hysterically. “Absolutely ridiculous! You really don’t plan anything in advance do you? You just did that out of the blue!”

“It’s called keeping things exciting!” Poe returned. “Besides this is perfect, now I can ask for your mom’s blessing. I mean what a way to do a family reunion huh? ‘Hey, I know you just found out about your son but can I marry him? Is that fine?’”

Another bout of almost manic laughter. He had never seen Armitage like this, absolutely uninhibited, cheeks rosy and hair falling into his face.

“Little early in the evening to be that pissed, isn’t it boys?” A strange voice startled them both back to reality. It was an old man, bent and weathered as a piece of driftwood. He was glaring at the two men warily, squinting out from under bushy grey eyebrows.

Armitage immediately composed himself, only the flush in his cheeks betraying his embarrassment as he stood up straight to face the stranger.

“Apologies,sir,” he said stiffly, “we’ll be on our way. Would you mind pointing us in the direction of the cantina?”

“The cantina?” He repeated. “I would’ve thought you’d just come from there, given the state of you.”

“Oh no, we aren’t drunk,” Poe cut in, “just happy.”  _ I’m getting married!  _ He wanted to shout,  _ I can laugh as loud as I want, old man, he said yes! _ But somehow he doubted Armitage would appreciate that kind of display here, in his mother’s home town. 

“So you say,” the old man grumbled. “It’s straight on down the road to the docks, can’t miss it.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Armitage and smiled tightly, gesturing at Poe to get going.

“Say,” the man said, squinting even harder at Armitage, just as they started to leave. “You look familiar.” 

Fear swelled up in Poe’s chest. The New Republic might have granted General Hux a pardon in exchange for all his help in the war effort, but to much of the galaxy he was still a villain - a monster the universe would be better without. He lived in fear that one day, some vengeful person would take matters into their own hands. Both of them had been sleeping with one eye open, when they slept at all, and Armitage kept a blaster at his waist and a knife concealed in his sleeve just in case it ever came to a fight. Poe could see the other man’s fingers twitch towards the release for the knife, his expression darkening. 

“I very much doubt it, sir.” His voice was cool and calm, but danger lurked beneath the surface. “We’re only passing through.”

“No, no I’m sure! You wouldn’t happen to be some kin of Bree Arden, would you? Woman who runs the cantina? You look just like her - I could swear. But far as I know all her people are gone, and all of them came up here, just like her.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Armitage, “we really should be going.” He was already walking again, and Poe jogged up to join him.

“RIght, right. Suit yourselves.” The old man grumbled, casting them one last disapproving glance.

“That was close.” Poe hissed as they hastened down the street. “Way too close.”

“It was.” Armitage agreed, casting one last furtive look over his shoulder. 

“Then again, place like this, they might not even know there was a war.”

“This is the Outer Rim, Poe, not the arse end of a black hole. They do get news here.”

“Still, seems quiet.” Poe mused. 

The street ahead of them opened up to the docks. A few shabby sea ships were docked there - sturdily built and bearing the scars of rough seas and vicious creatures. Beyond them was the little cove, and further still the sea. The setting suns had stained the dark water a brilliant pink, and the sky was awash with shades of purple and yellow. Clouds were beginning to gather again, a deep blue color in the fading light.

“It’s beautiful,” said Poe.

“The sea?”

“Yeah. The sea, all of it.”

“It isn’t as beautiful as it looks,” Armitage looked over at him, his copper hair seeming to glow in the twilight. “It’s dangerous, and vicious. Sea monsters and storms and -”

“It’s both.” Poe said. “Dangerous and beautiful. The people here live with it, live off of it. I mean, without fishing this village wouldn’t be here.”

His hand found Armitage’s again, and held it, running his thumb over the ridges of the other man’s knuckles, the soft pale skin of his palm - unworn by the elements or manual labor. At some point they had stopped walking. 

“This wouldn’t be such a bad place to stay, would it?” Poe mused as a seabird with a wingspan at least as long as he was tall flew overhead, its shadow dancing over them. “Settle down, lay low for a while, maybe get a cat.”

“You just proposed to me and now you’re asking me to settle down and get a cat?” His tone was bemused.

“I’m just saying - wouldn’t it be nice to stop for a while? No more hiding, no more keeping your head down and praying no one’s recognized you? I mean, here, you wouldn’t have to be the former General Hux, you know? You could just be Bree Arden the cantina owner’s son - you could just be my husband. Just  _ be _ for the first time in your life.” It felt strange to say the words  _ my husband _ . But more than that, it felt right, like those words had been on the tip of his tongue for a long time.

Armitage sighed. “It all sounds nice,” he said, “but can you really imagine it? Us, settling in some unnamed fishing village on Arkanis?”

“Well I’d suggest Yavin 4, but you might actually puke yourself to death.”

“Watch it, Dameron.” Armitage elbowed him lightly. “But that’s not what I mean. I mean, can you really imagine staying still? In one place for years and years at a time? No adventures or emergencies, no hopping in an X-Wing and blowing things up...”

“Not really,” he admitted. “I guess not.” He’d never been able to stay still, not on any planet.

“I was born here,” Armitage said, “my mother is here, but it was never my home. I’ve never had a home, really. Just places I lived - if you could call it living. That is until …” his voice trailed off as he watched the waves lapping against the docks. At last he sighed and turned to look at Poe. “Wherever you are, I’m home.” His fingers squeezed Poe’s hand. “Now let’s go, before I lose my nerve.”

“Right,” said Poe, forcing his legs to walk as his mind reeled. For the first time since he’d met Armitage Hux, the man seemed truly soft. There was no stiff back or cold voice, no tension in his shoulders or his brow - held like a shield between his heart and the world. It was as if, for a brief moment, the sun had broken through the clouds. Perhaps spring was coming after all.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yes this ends on a cliffhanger, yes there will definitely be a part 2 to this at some point very soon!


End file.
